Back in 2010, I did a series of “writing lessons” for the National Post to coincide with the publication of my second book, The Warhol Gang. They were fun little pieces that were all based on real events in my life, except for the ones that were based on fantasy. I later expanded on the lessons and published them in an illustrated chapbook with Upstart Press. Order it today to learn such writerly secrets as:
If your father comes after your family with a gun, then make damn sure you write about it before he does.
Writing fiction is about getting even with your ex-lovers.
Write what you know, unless what you know happens to be criminal in nature. It turns out police officers sometimes read literary fiction. Who knew?
Don’t quit your day job. Your co-workers and family may be the only people to buy your book.
Don’t assault your editor until your book has actually been published.
These lessons and many more may or may not be found inside this guide to the writing life. If you’ve ever wondered how to improve your writing so the editors at the big publishing houses don’t send your emails straight to junk mail, then this is the guide for you. No, not really. But after reading these lessons you’ll at least know you’re not alone in ruining your life and destroying all your relationships because you can’t stop arguing with imaginary people in the closet you pretend is an office.