One of the best ways of preventing suicides may be by talking about just how many people have suicidal thoughts. The older I get, the more people I encounter who have struggled with suicidal ideation at one point or another. Some are in their youth and can’t see a life path for themselves, some are mid-life people grappling with too many responsibilities, others are nearing or in old age and are just fed up with life. It’s incredibly common.

So full disclosure: I’ve been one of those people at various times in my life.

When I was young, I constantly battled with suicidal tendencies and came close to ending things on a few occasions. I more or less lived in a constant state of depression and thought that there was just something chemically wrong with me. It often seemed like suicide was an easier choice than simply existing.

Things really reached their crisis point around the time I started university. I availed myself of the free counselling at the University of Western Ontario and it genuinely saved my life. The counsellor helped me to understand I wasn’t chemically imbalanced but that there were things going on in my environment that had contributed to my mindset. She helped me learn different ways of thinking and how to escape negative mental cycles. I’ll be forever grateful for that intervention.

A significant reason I persisted was because of family. I couldn’t abandon people I was responsible for, whose lives I might irrevocably damage through such an act. Of course, responsibility leads to its own stresses. Enough stresses without an outlet or relief and eventually it will all catch up to you.

That’s where the other reason comes in: my dream of becoming a writer. I didn’t want to leave this world until I had realized my dreams of publishing a few stories and maybe even a book one day. And now here I am. Thanks to all of you who have supported me in my writing career over the years. I am still here in large part to you.

I’ve gone to counselling often throughout my life, and I’ve almost always found it helpful to learn tools to cope with suicidal thoughts and other mental challenges. Hello, anxiety! The basic lesson has been more or less the same with each one: You can change your normal. The tools have varied — stoicism, mindfulness, gratitude, meditation, exercise, friendships — but they have always been about changing my mental state from a negative one to a perspective that sees the good in the world and in my life.

I still have suicidal thoughts from time to time even now, but they are very minor and increasingly rare. They’re more of a reflex left over from my youth than a serious consideration. And I have the tools to deal with them now, and the gratitude for all the good things that have happened in my life. So now my suicidal impulses tend to go something along these lines: “This situation is terrible and I can’t bear it. I should just… nah, this will pass as it always does. Those hard moments have made me what I am today and I’ve always been grateful for them afterward. This will be the same. Now let’s work on getting through this to all the great moments that are going to come next!”

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, make sure you reach out for whatever help is available: counsellors, family, friends, help lines, colleagues, whatever.

Remember, you are loved. And you can change your normal.