10 things Horatio didn't tell the police

1) Hamlet and Horatio switched characters before the play began

2) The ghost was really a weather balloon

3) The network added Rosencrantz and Guildenstern after the pilot

4) Yorick's first role was the Piltdown man

5) Fortinbras was the man on the grassy knoll

6) Ophelia's sex tape with the Ür-Hamlet was a publicity stunt

7) Laertes was in rehab, not France

8) Claudius has Christopher Marlowe whacked

9) Polonius was writing a tell-all book about the cast

10) Hamlet's cryogenically frozen in the Disney lab

© Peter Darbyshire 2006 under a Creative Commons license

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