Shrapnel — November 2004

Skull and crossbones and AK-47s

Think pirates are a thing of the past? Think again. The problem is just getting worse.

"Give us $2000 before we go."

"I don't have any money."

The General of the Somali Coastguard cocked his pistol and pointed it at my head.

"Captain," he said, "no ship travels without money. Do you really want to lose your life just as I am about to set your ship free?"

We went down to the cabin where they rummaged through all the drawers and took whatever money and other things they could find. Then they left.

These are not the opening lines of a new work of fiction. They are quotes from the statement of the Master of the M.V.Bonsella, whose vessel was hijacked by 26 Somali pirates in September 1994, off the northeastern tip of Somalia.

Who will save us from our lives of quiet desperation?

The Billboard Liberation Front, of course.

The Billboard Liberation Front states emphatically and for all time herein that to Advertise is to Exist. To Exist is to Advertise. Our ultimate goal is nothing short of a personal and singular Billboard for each citizen. Until that glorious day for global communications when every man, woman and child can scream at or sing to the world in 100Pt. type from their very own rooftop; until that day we will continue to do all in our power to encourage the masses to use any means possible to commandeer the existing media and to alter it to their own design.

Japanma

Japanese culture never ceases to confuse and delight me. From weird vehicles and weird costumes to cosplay and anime fairs, the Japanese take performance theory and theatre to new levels. And what other country makes neon look so beautiful, or has such an awe-inspiring underground?

All your robots are belong to us

An artist placed stencils of a robot in different walking poses all around a city, took pics, and turned the pics into a fun little film.

The real underground cinema

Further on the theme of urban exploration, there are those people who just want to watch good movies in subterranean chambers.

There are, at most, 15 of them. Their ages range from 19 to 42, their professions from nurse to window dresser, mason to film director. And in a cave beneath the streets of Paris, they built a subterranean cinema whose discovery this week sent the city's police into a frenzy.

This is your brain on giant squid

I warned you the giant squids were trying to take over the world. They already control the drug trade.

Peruvian police say they have seized nearly 1,540 pounds (700 kilograms) of cocaine hidden in frozen giant squid bound for Mexico and the United States.

Dark Passages

Urban exploration has turned into a growth activity as North America continues to decay. There is a huge number of groups dedicated to the exploring and documenting derelict sites and ruinous landscapes, including Berlin's underground, Vienna's underground, secret places in Toronto and its environs, forgotten New York and New York subways, New England ruins, industrial landscapes, and places that just make for good art shots. Why? Some want to preserve the history of these places, others like the thrills, and some people just like to pose nude in unusual places. And then there are those just looking for a cool place to party.

I for one welcome our new squid overlords....

I've been saying for years that squids are the biggest threat humanity faces. Normal, giant colossal, whatever. I'm glad people are finally starting to listen.

Charles Bonnet Syndrome

There's more to seeing than our eyes. Which is made clear when macular degeneration sets in and the hallucinations start.

Don explained to me that these visual effects were developing into more complex imagery. When seated at breakfast and looking out of his window into the garden, he had on several occasions seen a kind of illumination within which not just one but a number of figures appeared, walking in a column. They were, seemingly, all male, some wearing hats, others caps. They would silently advance towards the window then turn to the right near the garden shed, but one figure would often break away from the others at this point and come right up to the window as if peering in at Don, before it too moved out of sight to one side. I learned that an even more startling version of this type of vision had occurred shortly before our meeting.

You're either with us or against us

Back in 1994, Umberto Eco wrote an essay about computers and religion, where he compared Macs to Catholicism and PCs to Protestantism. While the essay was satire, some people do border on religious fanaticism when it comes to believing in their OS.

Punk rock bowl-a-rama

That's right — punk rockers bowl. Got a problem with that?

Friday night at Sam's Town Casino, five miles south of the Las Vegas strip: The unsuspecting locals didn't know what hit them. Dangerous-looking men with tattooed heads and hands were perched at the blackjack tables. Women wearing ripped-up fishnets and fuchsia-pink mohawks blew kisses on the dice at the craps table. Bleary-eyed boys and girls cavorted around the slot machines wearing hoodies and clutching bottles of screw-top wine. Down in the basement bowling alley, it was like a Mad Max cast reunion, an amateur porn convention and visiting day at the Las Vegas State Penitentiary all rolled into one. The Sixth Annual Punk Rock Bowling Tournament was officially underway.

God Money (with apologies to Nine Inch Nails)

In light of the recent U.S. election results, this seems like as good a time as any to post this article about Christian banks. Maybe they'll help you buy guns for you and your family. Just because you can.

Chuck Ripka is a moneylender — that is to say, a mortgage banker — and his institution, the Riverview Community Bank in Otsego, Minn., is a way station for Christ. When he's not approving mortgages, or rather especially when he is, Ripka lays his hands on customers and colleagues, bows his head and prays: ''Lord, I pray that you will bring Matt and Jaimie the best buyer for their house so that they have the money to purchase the new home they feel called to. And I pray, Lord, that you grant me the wisdom to give them the best advice to meet their financial needs.''

 

Art for the people!

If you're wondering who did all the paintings of crazed McDonald's clowns in Super Size Me, it's Ron English, the "artistic genius" who appears in the film. He's also a culture jammer of sorts — transforming billboards and canonical images into agit-pop.

Denver International Airport

Is it a Masonic temple? A front for a secret government facility? A base for the lizard people? A failed experiment in urban planning? All of the above? Whatever it is, I like it. If more airports looked like this, I'd probably fly more.